Murphy’s Computers Laws

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Murphy’s Computers (IT & Software) Laws

  • Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
  • Any given program costs more and takes longer each time it is run.
  • If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
  • If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
  • Any given program will expand to fill all the available memory.
  • The value of a program is inversely proportional to the weight of its output.
  • Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.
  • Every non trivial program has at least one bug
    Corollary 1 – A sufficient condition for program triviality is that it have no bugs.
    Corollary 2 – At least one bug will be observed after the author leaves the organization.
  • Bugs will appear in one part of a working program when another ‘unrelated’ part is modified.
  • The subtlest bugs cause the greatest damage and problems.
    Corollary – A subtle bug will modify storage thereby masquerading as some other problem.
  • Lulled into Security Law
    A ‘debugged’ program that crashes will wipe out source files on storage devices when there is the least available backup.
  • A hardware failure will cause system software to crash, and the customer engineer will blame the programmer.
  • A system software crash will cause hardware to act strangely and the programmers will blame the customer engineer.
  • Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.
  • Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
  • Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English, and you will find that programmers can not write in English.
  • The documented interfaces between standard software modules will have undocumented quirks.
  • The probability of a hardware failure disappearing is inversely proportional to the distance between the computer and the customer engineer.
  • A working program is one that has only unobserved bugs.
  • No matter how many resources you have, it is never enough.
  • Any cool program always requires more memory than you have.
  • When you finally buy enough memory, you will not have enough disk space.
  • Disks are always full. It is futile to try to get more disk space. Data expands to fill any void.
  • If a program actually fits in memory and has enough disk space, it is guaranteed to crash.
  • If such a program has not crashed yet, it is waiting for a critical moment before it crashes.
  • No matter how good of a deal you get on computer components, the price will always drop immediately after the purchase.
  • All components become obsolete.
  • The speed with which components become obsolete is directly proportional to the price of the component.
  • Software bugs are impossible to detect by anybody except the end user.
  • The maintenance engineer will never have seen a model quite like yours before.
  • It is axiomatic that any spares required will have just been discontinued and will be no longer in stock.
  • Any VDU, from the cheapest to the most expensive, will protect a twenty cent fuse by blowing first.
  • Any manufacturer making his warranties dependent upon the device being earthed will only supply power cabling with two wires.
  • If a circuit requires n components, then there will be only n – 1 components in locally-held stocks.
  • A failure in a device will never appear until it has passed final inspection.
  • Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
  • A program generator creates programs that are more buggy than the program generator.
  • All Constants are Variables.
  • Constants aren’t
  • Variables won’t
  • A part dropped from the workbench will roll to a degree of un-reachability proportional to its importance.
  • In a transistor circuit protected by a fuse, the transistor will always blow to protect the fuse.
  • The best way to see your boss is to access the Internet.
    Or…
    No matter how hard you work, the boss will only appear when you access the Internet.
  • The hard drive on your computer will only crash when it contains vital information that has not been backed up.
  • Computers don’t make errors-What they do they do on purpose.
  • If Murphy’s laws are so true then how come I can log onto this site and submi…………
    [connection reset – error message 928 ]
  • Gumption’s Law (?)
    Any problem, no matter how complex, can be found by simple inspection.
    Corollary: A nagging intruder with unsought advice will spot it immediately.
  • Each computer code has five bugs, and tis number does not depend on how many bugs have been already found (it is conservative).
  • Profanity is one language all computer users know.
  • The number of bugs always exceeds the number of lines found in a program.
  • The most ominous words for those using computers:  “Daddy, what does ‘Now formatting Drive C mean’?”
  • When putting something into memory, always remember where you put it.
    Sent by Paul Pigott
  • Every non-trivial program contains at least one bug.
  • Every non-trivial program can be simplified by at least one line of code.
    The conclusion of the last two laws: Every non trivial program can be simplified to one line of code, and it will contain a bug.
    Sent by Brandon Aiken
  • An expert is someone brought in at the last minute to share the blame.
    Sent by Bassey Essien.
  • Debugging is at least twice as hard as writing the program in the first place.
    So if your code is as clever as you can possibly make it, then by definition you’re not smart enough to debug it.
    Sent by Brian Kernighan
  • Bahaman’s Law:
    for any given software, the moment you manage to master it, a new version appears.
    The new version always manages to change the one feature you need most.
  • Patches – don’t.
  • Most computer errors can be attributed to a similar problem – a screw loose behind the keyboard.
  • Whenever you need a crucial file from the server, the network will be down.
  • Whenever you need a crucial file from your hard drive, your computer will crash.
  • E-mailed tasking will always come just before you log off.
  • A quarantined virus – will be opened.
  • A chain letter – will be sent.  To global.  A dozen times.
  • The chance of a virus infecting your network is directly proportional to the amount of damage it does.
  • The chances of getting off work on time is inversely proportional to how much e-mail the boss leaves for until end of the day.
  • The faster you need a hardcopy, the more people will be using the only office printer.
  • General Fault Errors are the “Check Engine” light of computers. If it can be fixed, chances are it’s not by you.
  • A patch is a piece of software which replaces old bugs with new bugs.
  • The chances of a program doing what it’s supposed to do is inversely proportional to the number of lines of code used to write it.
  • The probability of forgetting your password is directly proportional to the frequency of changing it.
  • No matter how fantastic your latest and greatest PC is, you will be able to buy it for half the price in 12 months.
    The last two laws were sent by Zain
  • The longer it takes to download a program the more likely it won’t run.
  • Failure is not an option, it’s included with the software.
  • A program is good when it’s bug free – which is impossible.
  • If you forget to save you’re work every 5 minutes, it will break down after you’ve been at it for an hour.
  • It’s not a bug, it’s an undocumented feature.
  • The amount of time taken to successfully complete a software project is in direct proportion to the amount of Marketing input.
    Corollary: Marketing should not be located in the same city – much less on the same campus – as Engineering and/or Programming.
  • The only thing worse than an end-user without a clue is an end-user who has a clue – usually the wrong one.
  • According to most Tech Support people, the most common user error message (regardless of Operating System) is ID 10T.
    End-users’ Corollary 1: most application failures occur between the hours of 2 and 4 am on a Sunday night – with a 6 am Monday deadline for the project.
    End-users’ Corollary 2: On the graveyard shift, there’s no Tech Support to hear you scream!
  • Bugs mysteriously appear when you say, “Watch this!”
    corollary: If you call another programmer over to see if he knows what’s wrong the bug disappears.
    The corollary was sent by S. Bussell.
  • The probability of bugs appearing is directly proportional to the number and importance of people watching.
    The last two laws were sent by Bill Smith.
  • An employee rank is in inverse proportion to his use of a computer, and in proportion to its performance.
  • The only program that runs perfectly every time, is a virus
  • If a project is completed on schedule, it wasn’t debugged properly.
  • Non Crash Operating System aren’t.
  • The worst bugs in your program will show up only during the final review.
  • The people who say that computers are simple to use are the same people who tell you how to build a watch when you ask what time it is.
  • Philington’s First Law
    If it works, it’s production. If it doesn’t, it’s a test.
  • Philington’s Second Law
    Real programmers don’t comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
  • Format C: fixes all
  • Law of Computer Generated Aerodynamics
    Computers suck.
  • Law of Recycling
    A computer that has been on the market for 6 weeks is still usable as a boat anchor.
  • Law of Anti-security
    The best way past a pesky security feature is a 13-year-old.
  • Law of Acceleration
    A computer that has surpassed its user’s frustration capacity (FC) will accelerate downwards at 9.8 meters per second squared.
  • Computers let you waste time efficiently
  • Make a system even a moron can use and a moron will use it.
  • Make one that requires training or intelligence and only a moron will use it, but there will be more help desk calls.
    Sent by S. Bussell
  • The likelihood of problems occurring is inversely proportional to the amount of time remaining before the deadline.
  • You will always discover errors in your work after you have printed/submitted it.
    The last two laws were sent by Niels Hageman
  • 90% of a programmer errors come from data from other programmers.
  • ‘Illegal Error’ messages only happen when you forget to save your work
  • If you make the letters in your Word document bigger and then you print it out, you’ll have everything on the first page and only one line on the second.
  • the OEM did not actually manufacture the part you need to replace
  • By the time you learn your new computer you’ll need a new one.
  • After a software is released, the first bug found will be by a person who normally does not use that portion of the program but was wondering why he can’t do something he normally would not do.
  • When the Downloading Window says “99%complete”, there will be a fluctuation in the voltage and you’ll have to start all over again.
  • Millions of people believe they are animals, but I have yet to meet one that believe in Windows’ stability. Even human stupidity has limits 😉
  • The troubleshooting guide contains the answer to every problem except yours.
  • Plugins Law
    Whenever you install a group of plugins one by one just to find out which one can make your software work, you either haven’t gotten the right one, or have accidentally skipped the right one or it has become the last one installed.
  • No matter what problem you have with your computer – Its Always Microsoft’s fault
    Corollary: If its not their fault – Blame them anyway 🙂
  • You will get disconnected from the Internet or experience a computer crash when you are downloading. If you don’t experience one within 80% completion, then it will happen at 99%. If you do manage to get the file, then it will turn out to be completely useless and/or invalid.
  • You’ll always receive an e-mail from a web site that you never visit before.
  • 75% of the bugs laws in this page can be applied to MS Windows (Any version).
  • Auto Correct – isn’t
  • Microsoft excel- doesn’t
  • If you need to shutdown your PC ASAP, It will restart.
  • The quickest way to shutdown a PC is to unplug it.
    Corollary: ACPI shutdown (sometimes faster to get to than the plug) does not always work.
    Corollary: ACPI shutdown will fail most frequently when you run the risk of being caught doing something.
  • No matter how big a hard drive you buy, you’ll need to double it in a year.
  • Complete computer breakdown will happen shortly after the maintenance person has left.
    Sent by Jan Wenall
  • A virus will be erased when the hard drive crashes, making it useless for antivirus program to fix it.
  • The problem always exists between one keyboard and it’s respective chair.
    (On submission problem was insomnia… zzzzzz)
  • A program that compile on the first run has an error in the algorithm
  • Edward V. Berard Law
    Walking on water and developing software to specification are easy as long as both are frozen.
    Sent by Andre Van Dun
  • The smaller the size of your email account, the more junk mail you will get
  • The boss will always come to your workspace when you accidentally open an adult link
  • The more pop-up screens you have, the more likely the boss will come by
    The last three laws were sent by Mark
  • A computer is only as smart as the person using it
  • If it ain’t broke, Overclock it!
  • If you’re in a hurry, your computer will crash, a hard drive will become corrupted, or your files will be erased. Any way, you’re screwed if you have a deadline.
  • Software Reliability:
    Investment in software reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost of errors.
  • Computer sadism: When the computer causes physical or mental damage to a person and can’t receive such a return favor (due to management rules).
  • Computer masochism: When a computer takes all the abuse you think you can give it and continues working as it should.
  • The sound of grinding metal or the sight of smoke coming from a case is a warning that you are trying to do too much with too little.
  • The survivability of a system is directly proportional to the price of the cooling system applied to it and inversely proportional to the amount of use it sees.
  • Antivirus systems only effectively work on a virus after given virus has passed its prime.
  • The most frightening of viruses is the virus you do not know is already there.
  • The amount of damage that a string of code can do is inversely proportional to the length of the string
  • You only receive instant messaging, when working on a project that’s due instantly
    Sent by Keith
  • When designing a program to handle all possible dumb errors, nature creates a dumber user
    Sent by Rich Spejcher
  • There is an inverse relationship between an organization’s hierarchy and its understanding of computers.
  • Pioneers get arrows
  • The smallest problems will immediately be brought to the attention of the CEO, but the big problems will be ignored until the affected system goes down.
  • Leet speak is nothing more than some poor fool’s attempt to type really, really fast.
  • Computers never work the way they are supposed to. Especially when nothing is wrong with them.
  • A program will work the you think is should only when you don’t care if it does.
  • Software does not fail when the technician is in the room.
  • as soon as you download a big file, your computer with shut down
  • The longer the e-mail, the greater the chance it will not make it to its detination, for whatever reason
  • If you were preventive enough to save a copy of anything, you will not need it. Therefore – Not saving a copy of anything is directly proportional to the value of the information lost and the amount of time invested in gathering and typing it
  • Proof-read all e-mails three or four times before sending it. All errors are detected immediatly after being sent
  • Murphy works for Microsoft. In fact, he is in charge of their QA
  • the chance to lose data is inversely proportional to the number people in the room when updating a simple server program
  • Good enough – isn’t, unless there is a deadline.
  • Don’t take it personally, stupid

(C) http://www.murphys-laws.com

Explore the ocean with Google Earth

With ocean in Google Earth, you can:

 

  • Discover new places including surf, diving and travel hotspots as well as shipwrecks
  • Dive beneath the surface and visit the deepest part of the ocean, the Mariana Trench
  • Explore the ocean floor with top marine experts including National Geographic and BBC
  • Learn about ocean observations, climate change and endangered species

The Great New WhiteHouse.gov

whitehouse.jpg

With the US presidential term officially flipping over at noon, it’s not terribly surprising that whitehouse.gov has already been redecorated. It’s the same high quality we’ve seen from the Obama team throughout the campaign and a large step up, in my humble opinion, from the already impressive change.gov.

The site is built very well under the hood as well, it’s all 508 compliant as required by law and they took the route of polished markup to get there. jQuery 1.2.6 was used for all the wiring, and they offer numerous RSS feeds (I’m still not over the novelty of governmental RSS but here we are).

P.S. Developer extra credit: it even *validates*

Murphy’s Commerce Laws

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Murphy’s Commerce Laws

  • The first 90% of a project takes 90% of the time, the last 10% takes the other 90% of the time.
  • If you can’t get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
  • A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the pants.
  • Don’t be irreplaceable, if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
  • It doesn’t matter what you do, it only matters what you say you’ve done and what you say you’re going to do.
  • After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
  • The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
  • You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
  • Eat one live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
  • Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other.
  • When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
  • If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
  • There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
  • The boss is always right.
  • Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many.
  • Keep your boss’s boss off your boss’s back.
  • Everything can be filed under “miscellaneous”.
  • Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
  • To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.
  • In case of an atomic bomb attack, work rules will be temporarily suspended.
  • Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing.
  • Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
  • The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible for everything that goes wrong – until the next person quits or is fired.
  • There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.
  • The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization.
  • If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
  • You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
  • If someone says he will do something “without fail”, he won’t.
  • People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn’t.
  • People are always available for work in the past tense.
  • People don’t make the same mistake twice, they make it three, four, or five times.
  • If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.
  • At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
  • When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
  • You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.
  • No one gets sick on Wednesdays.
  • Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
  • Following the rules will not get the job done.
  • When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, “How would the Lone Ranger handle this?”.

mlaw08

  • No matter how much you do, you never do enough.
  • The longer the title, the less important the job.
  • Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.
  • Progress is only made on alternate Tuesdays.
  • An “acceptable” level of employment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
  • Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
  • The employee who has performed his duties faithfully and without fault for 5 years will be given an increase of five cents per day in his pay – provided the profits allow it.
  • All vacations and holidays create problems, except for one’s own.
  • Success is a matter of luck, just ask any failure.
  • The value of any job task is inversely proportional to its deadline.

  • When you see an item in the flyer, by the time you get to the store its either sold out or the price has doubled.

  • The person at the meeting or discussion who is right will be the person who is not listened and will later be blamed for coming up with the bad idea.
  • Just when you have no cash, you are in great pain and got to the bank to find the bank computers offline.

  • Bills travel through the mail at twice as fast as checks.
  • No man is an island, until it comes to paying the bills

  • If you have a little extra money to blow, something will break, and cost more than that little extra.

  • If you don’t want it, there is plenty of it; If you really need it, they’re all out of it.
    The more you like a product, the more likely it will be discontinued.
    Sent by Barry Nord
  • If you are shopping to find a certain thing, no matter how simple it may be, no matter where you go, you will find every conceivable thing except that which you are looking for.

  • The one time you didn’t make a copy of your 1040, that’s the one the IRS did not receive.

  • I’m as good as my Employer

  • Slog all day and no-one notices, take a 5 minute breather to play Window’s Solitaire and the boss silently appears behind you.
  • All urgent and critical reports are handed out on Friday evening and are due first thing Monday morning.
  • Zain’s Nutcracker Law
    The best time to ask for a raise is when everything has gone wrong and your boss is in a panic mode.
    Corollary 1:
    Never ask for a raise after you have successfully completed a project.
    Corollary 2:
    If you do it right the first time, you will not be asked to resolve the problem and therefore will not be in a position to ask for a raise.
    The last three laws were sent by Zain.
  • Expenses rise to exceed income.

  • Just In Time inventory isn’t

  • In a line the biggest order is in the front, and the customer has coupons and wants to write a check.
  • in a 24 hour store, there are 5 customers in the store and they always come to the register at the same time. (and again the customer with the largest order is the first one in line)

  • What you don’t know, will cost you a lot of money.

  • It is no disgrace to be poor, but it is awfully inconvenient.

  • When in trouble change the subject. However, this may lead the subject to another one of your offenses.
  • When in trouble do what you can. If that fails try what you can’t. If that fails give yourself an A for effort and run like hell with pride!

  • You pay peanuts and you get monkeys. In some organizations you pay doughnuts and you still get monkeys.

  • The Customer is always unhappy about your product and service.

  • Little things make a lot more of a difference; but the little things don’t get as much recognition.
    Sent by Simion
  • The pressure of responsibility taking a difficult decision is the result of a division between its importance and the number of participant persons.
  • Excess of analysis causes paralysis

  • The quality of workmanship of any given object is inversely proportional to how useful it is.
  • The quality of workmanship of any given object is inversely proportional to how well it works

  • Eldredge’s Aphorism:
    Procedures should not be used as a substitute for thought.
  • law of activity:
    One’s willingness to do something is inversely proportional to:
    A) the need for it to be done.
    B) the number of people who are relying on that person to do it.

  • Ament’s First Law of Corporate Survival:
    When you see the shit is about to hit the fan, shut your mouth.
  • Ament’s Second Law of Corporate Survival: Duck.

  • Inverse Rule of Contracts:
    The smaller the dollar amount of a contract the longer it will take to negotiate.

  • Somers’ Law of Management:
    One learns at least as much about management from poor managers as from good ones.

  • The more complicated the job is the less time and useful information you will be given.
  • If the salesperson says, “All you have to do is…” you know you’re in trouble.
  • When a customer says, “It’s perfect except…” you know it will be necessary to rebuild the whole piece.
    The last three laws were sent by Robert Nicholson
  • Assaf’s Laws of Lines
    • The number of open service windows at banks, post offices, airline counters, etc… always equals [n/2 – m], n being the total number of windows and m being a random number between 1 and the total number of windows minus 1.
    • The simpler and quicker your transaction, the more complex and time-consuming the transaction of the person immediately ahead of you in the line.


  • When you stand at your counter for hours on end and then go to break, that’s when the customer comes and rings the bell for help.

  • Any item that you want to purchase from a catalog will always be out of stock at the time you want to buy it.

  • If your Check-Book and Bank-Balance Sheet agree… Re-Do-It… You Goofed Up
    This is from my own experience over the past 50+ years!
  • “Billing Statements do not provide ‘Actual Posting Dates’ They reflect ‘Accurate Posting Dates'”
    This was contained within a reply from a Retail Credit Account Analyst of a major Banking Establishment

  • The severity of a sales problem is inversely proportional to the distance from nearest support office

Murphy’s Technology Laws

murphyMurphy’s technology laws

  • Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
  • Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
  • Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
  • If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
  • The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.
  • The attention span of a computer is only as long as it electrical cord.
  • An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
  • Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch to be sure. great discoveries are made by mistake.
  • Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.
  • Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
  • All’s well that ends.
  • A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
  • The first myth of management is that it exists.
  • A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.
  • New systems generate new problems.
  • To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
  • We don’t know one millionth of one percent about anything.
  • Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
    Arthur C. Clark
  • A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.
  • Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day’s work.
  • Some people manage by the book, even though they don’t know who wrote the book or even what book.
  • The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.
  • To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.
  • After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.
  • Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.
  • A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.
  • If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.
  • Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
  • .Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that might go into a “Pearl Harbor File.”
  • Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it damn well pleases.
  • If you can’t understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
  • The more cordial the buyer’s secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already has the order.
  • In designing any type of construction, no overall dimension can be totaled correctly after 4:30 p.m. on Friday. The correct total will become self-evident at 8:15 a.m. on Monday.
  • Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. And scratch where it itches.
  • All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.
  • The only perfect science is hind-sight.
  • Work smarder and not harder and be careful of yor speling.
  • If it’s not in the computer, it doesn’t exist.
  • If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
  • When all else fails, read the instructions.
  • If there is a possibility of several things going wrong the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
  • Everything that goes up must come down.
    Corollary: Not always

  • Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.
  • Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.
  • Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.
  • The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.
  • A difficult task will be halted near completion by one tiny, previously insignificant detail.
  • There is never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.
  • The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.
  • If there is ever the possibility of several things to go wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

  • If something breaks, and it stops you from doing something, it will be fixed when you:
    1. no longer need it
    2. are in the middle of something else
    3. don’t want it to be fixed, because you really don’t want to do what you were supposed to do
  • Each profession talks to itself in it’s own language, apparently there is no Rosetta Stone
  • The more urgent the need for a decision to be made, less apparent become the identity of the decision maker

  • It is never wise to let a piece of electronic equipment know that you are in a hurry.

  • Don’t fix something that ain’t broke, ’cause you’ll break it and you still can’t fix it
  • You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
    Chong Kwong Sheng addition:
    Only by the splatter of the blood stains
    The last two laws were sent by Chong Kwong Sheng
  • Dobie’s Dogma:
    If you are not thoroughly confused, you have not been thoroughly informed.

  • A screw will never fit a nut.
  • Standard parts are not.

  • When working on a motor vehicle engine, any tool dropped will land directly under the center of the engine.

  • Interchangeable tapes won’t.

  • Never trust modern technology.  Trust it only when it is old technology.

  • The bolt that is in the most awkward place will always be the one with the tightest thread.

  • The most ominous phrase in science: “_Uh_-oh . . .”

  • The 2nd worst thing you can hear the tech say is “Oops!” The worst thing you can hear the tech say is “oh s**t!”
  • Any example of hardware/software can be made fool-proof. It cannot, however, be made damn-fool-proof.

  • The Rossemblat Graphic Insult Theory:
    When any technological change is made, we have a graphic insult curve. No mater how high the insult curve climb, the important thing is how long it goes.

  • Bahaman’s Law:
    for any given software, the moment you read software reviews and manage to master it, a new version of that software appears.

    The new version always manages to change the one feature you need most.

  • In today’s fast-moving tech environment, it is a requirement that we forget more than we learn.

  • It is simple to make something complex, and complex to make it simple.

  • Measurements will be quoted in the least practical unit; velocity, for example, will be measured in ‘furlongs-per-fortnight’.

  • In electronics repair the part with the highest failure rate will always be located in the least accessible area of the equipment.

  • Multi-million pound technology is worthless in the hands of morons.

  • The rule of Protection:
    If you install a 50¢ fuse to protect a 100$ component, the 100$ component will blow to protect the 50¢ fuse.

  • Karl Imhoff was a German engineer who developed sewage treatment systems in the early 1900’s.  His biggest contribution was the Imhoff Tank, which allows sewage to settle.  The Imhoff Law relates to bosses everywhere.  The law goes as follows:
    The largest chunks always rise to the top.

  • High tech man-year = 730 people trying to finish a project before lunch.

  • An expert will always state the obvious.

  • The boss is always right.
    Corollary: If the boss is wrong, refer back to the rule.

  • On a cruise ship, the one, most important part you don’t have in stock always breaks on a Friday evening, just when you left harbor and the next time you will be in harbor is a Sunday or Christmas eve.
    Sent by Jouni Sironen – a long time sound & light technician on cruise ships.
  • The chance a copy machine will brake down is proportional to the importance of the material that needs to be copied and inversely proportional to the amount of time till the material will be needed.

  • Maintenance department neglect customer’s complains till it starts installations in customer’s new projects.

  • Murphy’s Law on HVAC systems:
    An HVAC (Heating Ventilating and Air Conditioning) engineering firm, will invariably lease office space in a building with a lousy HVAC system.

    All the engineers can do is shiver or sweat and moan about it, and say how they would fix it if the building owner actually gave a damn.

  • The probability any machine breaks down increases with the importance of expected visit.

  • if it works in theory, it won’t work in practice.
    if it works in practice it won’t work in theory.

  • Research Law:
    No matter how clever and complete your research is, there is always someone who knows more.

  • Somers’ Law of Repair:
    No part ever fails where you can reach it, or where there is enough light to see how to replace it.

  • Any tool dropped will fall where it can cause the most damage.
  • Any wire cut to length will be too short.
  • Equivalent replacement parts aren’t.

  • When you finally update to a new technology, is when everyone stop supporting it.
  • Interchangeable parts aren’t

  • The proposed size of any project is inversely proportional to the size the project will eventually become.
    Corollary: Any project that can consume more resources before reaching it’s final state will do so.
    This will happen faster than you think.
    Also, the investors will not be happy.
    Sent by Jon Proesel
  • The less intelligent the idea, and the person stating it, the more likely it will be funded.

  • A man with one watch is certain about time. A man with two watches isn’t.
  • The more knowledge you gained, the less certain you are of it.
  • If you think you understand science (or computers or women), you’re clearly not an expert
  • Technicians are the only ones that don’t trust technology
    The last four laws were sent by Jan Wenall
  • All impossible failures, will happen at the test site.
    Corollary: All impossible failures will happen on the clients desktop

  • The more you want to contact someone over an instant messenger is inversely proportional to the chances that they will be on-line.
  • The more important your email is, the worse your email client will screw it up.

  • The degree to which a device will function is directly proportional to the number of times it has been bashed and inversely to its cost.
  • A device having an indestructible component or is user serviceable is deemed unsafe until it’s replaced by an expensive, unobtainable, inefficient component which needs constant servicing.

  • Assaf’s Laws of Replacement Parts
    • A failed 25¢ part cannot be replaced by a new 25¢ part, but by a sub-assembly whose cost is equal to or greater than that of the device in need of the part
    • The cost and availability of a replacement part are in inverse proportion to the cost of the whole system: a $1500 device will fail because of the burnout of a 25¢ capacitor. But the 25¢ capacitor is either
      • no longer manufactured
      • manufactured only by a company in Outer Mongolia with an 18-month backlog
      • available only as part of a $1450 sub-assembly


  • All things mechanical/electrical will catastrophically fail after the guarantee has expired, unless an extended guarantee has been purchased.
    Sent by Blair Murray
  • The Harvard Principle:
    Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of temperature, humidity, pressure, etc., the organism will do as it damn well pleases.
  • First Law of Linear Equations:
    Given any system n linear equations, there will be n+1 unknowns

  • The disappearance of a nagging error in a system is explicable only in terms of insignificant contribution of the source to that system
  • The repairman will have never seen a model quite like yours before

  • Law of Repairmen:
    The repairman fixes your machine to break down the next day and charges for a new machine.

  • While technology progresses at the speed of light it’s implementation is filtered through the speed of bureaucracy

  • In theory there is no difference between theory and practice, but in practice there is.
  • Stationary engineering law
    never underestimate incompetency

Benefits

If you’ve ever had any disconfirming experience with other companies before and wondered why they just didn’t deliver, this might be the most important information you’ll every read.

Our Approach

They key focus is on decreasing complexity and increasing usability through simplicity for you.The priority in the process is delivering customer value as early as possible in the process. Silex Technologies is the first to have effectively applied Agile Processes to Design services as well as software and web application development. The “Agile Approach” process Silex Technologies uses involves the incremental and iterative development and design of web applications, graphic and web site design.

For you as a customer this has some significant benefits:

+ Guaranteed applicability of Scope
Means you get what you need

+ Guaranteed on-time delivery
Means it’s done when it is supposed to be done no surprises

+ Guaranteed on-budget delivery
Means pricing on individual functionalities is agreed upon beforehand and will not be exceeded

+ Guaranteed High Quality software and design
Means you have tangible quality control instruments like acceptance and unit testing to make sure you receive the highest quality work

+ Flexible and Adaptive process
Means we’re able to accommodate change and developing insights in your organization DURING the executing of your project

+ Produce re-usable code and designs
Means to build only what is needed once and only once

+ A Clear Project Plan and Project Goals in non-technical terms and jargon
Means it is easy to understand what’s going on.

+ Insight and Access to Development Server and Sources
Means you can see the true progress in working software of your project.

+ Open and honest communication on company extra-net
Means a continuous dialog of feedback improves end product applicability and usability

+ Ability to terminate the project early
Means you can stop working with people you don’t trust

Our first blog ever

target

These, my friends, are hi tech times.

It seems as if, since the dawn of the Web in the 90s, our social group has been in a 16 years never-ending digital transformation. The voracious appetite of this packet-based revolution never ceases. Industry by industry, medium by medium, the digital animal sets its sites on a new victim, and, slowly, the propriety walls collapse and new birth takes place. These transformations, while painful, have improved social group by bringing us together and putting us in charge.

First there was email. e.g. Mx2340@compuwareze.com This literally took the post office by storm. And, despite the best efforts of SPAM and viruses, email has become the firm standard for the bulk of written communication these days. Love it or hate, that baby is here to stay.

We are a society forever in the transformation of digitization. But, we are also a society that must function and not sacrifice quality to gain efficiency. This means: YES we want it quick and YES we want it cheap. But it better be GOOD.

Until its GOOD, we are going to need to mix some of the old with some of the new.


Anitha Parthasarathy
Customer Services
Say Hello: anitha.parthasarathy@silex.co.in

Silex Technologies, India
About:  http://www.silex.co.in/about

Blog: http://www.silex.co.in/blog
E-mail: blog@silex.co.in

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